# Chuck Norris Facts?



## Captain Ahab (Feb 19, 2008)

Redbug inspired me - list your favorite Chuck Norris facts. be original.

Here are few off teh cuff:

Chuck Norris is not listed in the Phone book because yo0u just dial 1800 Dropkick!

Chuck Norris does not need a rod or reel to catch fish becuase he can part the water like Moses with a fast hand chop 


*
PLEASE ADD YOUR OWN*


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## redbug (Feb 19, 2008)

Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.


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## Jim (Feb 19, 2008)

](*,) ](*,) ](*,)


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## Captain Ahab (Feb 19, 2008)

I like these two:

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

and

_Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer._


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## Captain Ahab (Feb 19, 2008)

Chuck Norris once beat a wall at tennis. An f'in *WALL.*


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## slim357 (Feb 19, 2008)

ok heres a few i like; Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
im sure u guys prob have heard these


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## Waterwings (Feb 19, 2008)

Ummm, there are no mirrors in Chuck Norris' house. Even his own reflection is afraid of him :shock: 




Just made that one up :roll:


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## Captain Ahab (Feb 19, 2008)

In August 2005 Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks Mr.T asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled Mr. T's finger Chuck Norris round house kicked Mr. T in the stomach "for fun". The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans. To help aliviate his conscious Chuck will provide free "Roundhouse Kick" seminars to the hurricane victims. As for Mr. T he will simply pity the fools.


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## shizzy (Feb 19, 2008)

Chuck Norris will fight you any time of the day. Except when "The View" is on.


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## redbug (Feb 19, 2008)

shizzy said:


> Chuck Norris will fight you any time of the day. Except when "The View" is on.



When dealing with Chuck remember it's not a fight.. he will beat you until your bloody any time of day !!!


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## G3_Guy (Feb 19, 2008)

ROTFLMBO :lol: :lol: :lol: 

These are great... keep them rolling.


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## FishinsMyLife (Feb 19, 2008)

Waterwings said:


> Ummm, there are no mirrors in Chuck Norris' house. Even his own reflection is afraid of him :shock:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


LMAO! I thought that was pretty good!


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## Waterwings (Feb 19, 2008)

FishinsMyLife317 said:


> Waterwings said:
> 
> 
> > Ummm, there are no mirrors in Chuck Norris' house. Even his own reflection is afraid of him :shock:
> ...



 Thanks


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## jkbirocz (Feb 19, 2008)

When Chuck Norris was born his parents knew he was special, and couldn't think of a name. His older brother, Norris, looked in aww at his incredibly tough and cool newborn brother. His father said to his mom "Chuck Norris, this one is way better" and so he was named Chuck Norris. :roll:


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## little anth (Feb 19, 2008)

i taught my moms friends kid a year and a half old to when i say what does chuck norris do he kicks and says yahhhh!


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## Captain Ahab (Feb 20, 2008)

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.


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## shizzy (Feb 20, 2008)

If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.


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## Captain Ahab (Feb 20, 2008)

Chuck Norris is so cool that snow does not stick to him, it slides off and whimpers in fear!


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## Popeye (Feb 20, 2008)

Chuck Norris even scares himself sometimes


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## Popeye (Feb 20, 2008)

Bill Nye is the Chuck Norris of science


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## little anth (Feb 20, 2008)

lol :lol:


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## Captain Ahab (Feb 21, 2008)

flounderhead59 said:


> Bill Nye is the Chuck Norris of science



This might be the best one yet       

Good One Flounder (no head)


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## Popeye (Feb 21, 2008)

Chuck Norris is the Bill Nye of Martial Arts?


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## Captain Ahab (Feb 22, 2008)

Chuck Norris invented water.


Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.


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## Waterwings (Feb 22, 2008)

esquired said:


> Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.



Lol, good one!


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## mtnman (Feb 22, 2008)

you guys really scare me sometimes!


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## Jim (Feb 22, 2008)

mtnman said:


> you guys really scare me sometimes!



I agree!


No one mentions that Rambo will kick Chuckies ass in a second. :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:


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## Captain Ahab (Feb 22, 2008)

*Rambo vs. Chuck Norris*


One is a brooding, tormented Vietnam vet with a penchant for causing international incidents. The other is an iconic martial arts expert who has a beard of granite and a heart for Huckabee. But if these two aging warriors met between the ropes, who would be the last man standing?

*
Vital statistics*


*Rambo:*
Height: 5 feet 9 inches.
Weight: 173 pounds.
Age: 61

*Norris:*
Height: 5 feet 10 inches.
Weight: 185 pounds.
Age: 67

Advantage: Rambo. Boxing experts agree that reflexes begin to slow down around age 64

*What would they say?*

Ronald Reagan: "It's morning in America, but it's good night for Chuck! He'll fall harder than the USSR. Rambo KOs him in the fourth."

Michael Jackson: "In a world filled with hate, we need peace and harmony for the children. But Norris will slap that big bully silly! Chuck in 7."

Pac Man: "Wonka-wonka-wonka-wonka-wonka-wonka-wonka." (Translation: Rambo wins in a decision.)


*Outcome
*Rambo slices up Norris in round 5 (and doesn't remember it afterward).


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## slim357 (Feb 22, 2008)

No way Sylvester Stallone, John J Rambo, could kick Chuck Norris' ass. First off Sylvester Stallone cant even talk so how would be beg for mercy, secondly hes becomming senile, i dont think he knows where he is half the time. I dont think he would ever see a roundhouse comming.


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## Jim (Feb 22, 2008)

slim357 said:


> No way Sylvester Stallone, John J Rambo, could kick Chuck Norris' ass. First off Sylvester Stallone cant even talk so how would be beg for mercy, secondly hes becomming senile, i dont think he knows where he is half the time. I dont think he would ever see a roundhouse comming.



Slim, Have you ever heard of "The eye of the Tiger" Rocky is Rambo's alter ego.


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## slim357 (Feb 22, 2008)

Jim said:


> Slim, Have you ever heard of "The eye of the Tiger" Rocky is Rambo's alter ego.



Jim i would expect this logic from some of the philly guys, and yes he is philly's greatest hero (even tho hes not real), but not from you. You should know better.


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## Jim (Feb 22, 2008)

slim357 said:


> Jim said:
> 
> 
> > Slim, Have you ever heard of "The eye of the Tiger" Rocky is Rambo's alter ego.
> ...



I forgot the Philly thing......I take it all back! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Popeye (Feb 22, 2008)

Rambo could indeed kick Chuck's ass. Literally. But then Chuck would whip around and round house kick him into last week. The only way Rambo could ever kill someone hand to hand was by surprising them and Chuck isn't gonna fall for any of that cover yourself with mud and pretend you are part of the hill stuff. Rambo isn't the only one familiar with the M-60 machine gun either. He would have to call Estelle Getty (Stop or my Mom will Shoot) for back up.


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## Captain Ahab (Feb 22, 2008)

We love our heroes here


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## Popeye (Feb 27, 2008)

Go to google and enter, find chuck norris and then click "I'm feeling lucky"

Go ahead, you know you want to.


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## boathauler32 (Feb 27, 2008)

chuck norris is so tough, he doesn't even have a chin, just another fist under his beard - "family guy"


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## shizzy (Feb 27, 2008)

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.


When Chuck Norris uses Verizon Wireless, you still can't hear him now.


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## redbug (Feb 27, 2008)

Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.


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## BassAddict (Feb 27, 2008)

i am the illegitimate son of Chuck Norris, he wont admit it tho......................


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## Popeye (Feb 27, 2008)

BassAddict said:


> i am the illegitimate son of Chuck Norris, he wont admit it tho......................



I do not believe that as Chuck Norris has never done an illegitimate thing in his life.


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## boathauler32 (Feb 27, 2008)

BassAddict said:


> i am the illegitimate son of Chuck Norris, he wont admit it tho......................


I dont blame him!!!!!


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## Captain Ahab (Feb 29, 2008)

Bass Addict my SON!!

Now he gets a kick


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## Salmon_Slayer_2008_Lund (Mar 7, 2008)

Check these out. I hope they haven't been posted yet.

"Chuck Norris has to sleep with the light on. Not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him." 

"Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Chuck!"

"Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People."

"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."

 :lol:


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## boathauler32 (Mar 8, 2008)

good ones...


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## Waterwings (Mar 8, 2008)

Good ones! The last one is really good, lol. :lol:


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## redbug (Dec 20, 2013)

Chuck Norris un-invented the parabolic hemorrhoid disruptor which is why you have never heard of it before now.


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## Country Dave (Dec 20, 2013)

_Dinosaurs are not extinct Chuck just told them to go away. Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he does earth downs. _


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## Jim (Dec 20, 2013)

[url=https://www.tinboats.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=336929#p336929 said:


> Country Dave » 20 Dec 2013 06:59 pm[/url]"]_Dinosaurs are not extinct Chuck just told them to go away. Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he does earth downs. _


 :LOL2:


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## bassboy1 (Dec 20, 2013)

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door....


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## BassAddict (Dec 21, 2013)

But even Chuck Norris CAN NOT ban the BassAddict!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO =D> =D> =D> =D>


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## lovedr79 (Dec 21, 2013)

when inflicting pain on someone chuck has been drinking dosequis........


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## Country Dave (Dec 21, 2013)

_Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris. _


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## Country Dave (Dec 21, 2013)

_In FDR’s 1933 inaugural address he was going to say “There is nothing to fear but Chuck himself” but Chuck wasn’t born yet! I just made that up. _


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## T Man (Dec 22, 2013)

Chuck Norris visited the virgin islands once. They are now just known as the islands.

Superman wears chuck Norris pajamas to bed.


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## juggernot (Dec 30, 2013)

I'll put this here



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFJeaAq5Mv4







...............Chuck Norris gave his father " the talk "


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## Captain Ahab (Jan 12, 2014)

Is Bass Addict really Check Norris?


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## WVfishnfool (Jan 18, 2014)

Chuck Norris is so quick he can flip the wall switch and be in bed before the lights go out.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.


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## Captain Ahab (Jan 21, 2014)

[url=https://www.tinboats.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=338952#p338952 said:


> WVfishnfool » Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:30 am[/url]"]Chuck Norris is so quick he can flip the wall switch and be in bed before the lights go out.
> Chuck Norris can drown a fish.





:fishing2:


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## WVfishnfool (Jan 22, 2014)

[url=https://www.tinboats.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=339288#p339288 said:


> Captain Ahab » Yesterday, 20:23[/url]"]
> 
> 
> [url=https://www.tinboats.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=338952#p338952 said:
> ...


OK I'm a newbie here what's up with the fishing comment? Just wondering?


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## Country Dave (Jan 22, 2014)

[url=https://www.tinboats.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=339340#p339340 said:


> WVfishnfool » 19 minutes ago[/url]"]
> 
> 
> [url=https://www.tinboats.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=339288#p339288 said:
> ...


_
Fish don't drown. They live and breath underwater. _


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## WVfishnfool (Jan 22, 2014)

That's what makes Chuck so bad is it not? He can do the impossible such as drowning a fish. :lol:


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## Country Dave (Jan 22, 2014)

[url=https://www.tinboats.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=339344#p339344 said:


> WVfishnfool » 6 minutes ago[/url]"]That's what makes Chuck so bad is it not? He can do the impossible such as drowning a fish. :lol:



_That is correct sir. _


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## BigTerp (Jan 23, 2014)

I know some of you aren't going to like hearing this, and it is hard to believe, but Chuck Norris uses stunt doubles.....................................................












..............................................FOR CRYING SCENES.


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## BigTerp (Jan 23, 2014)

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding


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## BassAddict (Feb 13, 2014)




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