# Stun Guns



## Jim (May 16, 2007)

*I wish i could claim this as my own... but it's not *

My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to "Well, I have out done myself once again." No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Life Time movie in the near future. Here goes:


Last weekend I spied something at the Pawn shop that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled.) I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl.

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety.

You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out - way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arc of electricity, and a loud pop!!!Yipeeeeee. I'm easily amused, just for your nformation, but I have yet to explain to her what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?.... Was I wrong to think that?...... Seemed reasonable to me at the time.

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!".......... Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed.

I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. (Sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?)

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight-always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY *********!!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position.

The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)

SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure


----------



## Captain Ahab (May 16, 2007)

Great story - so how did it feel the second time? You cannot just do that once! I suggest that you video tape the "experiment" and become a U-Tube hero.

Waiting patiently in PA

David


----------



## FISHING COP 623 (May 16, 2007)

I took a "volunteer" shot with our new department issued taser a few months ago when we went though our training. 
Since I've been a cop, I've been shot, stabbed, and torn my ACL/MCL in my knee in a pursuit, and none of that compared to the instant pain of being tased. It hurt like a BI***. 
So if that story is true, "I FEEL YOUR PAIN."


----------



## JustFishN (May 16, 2007)

holy crap.... is that a joke?


----------



## hckystud36 (May 16, 2007)

that sounds pretty amazing to me!

u sir have balls......big ones!


----------



## dampeoples (May 16, 2007)

I worked at a prison in TN, and in the training, we all lined up to take a shot of the taser, and the shield. 

When I heard of this, I brought my camera, and have pics of most of the people in out group getting hit, you should see the expressions! Wish I had a scanner, I'd at least post the one or two people I still know


----------



## Anonymous (May 20, 2007)

Great story man. I was laughing out loud the whole time.


----------



## Captain Ahab (Nov 13, 2014)

stunned again!


----------



## BigTerp (Nov 14, 2014)

FISHING COP 623 said:


> I took a "volunteer" shot with our new department issued taser a few months ago when we went though our training.
> Since I've been a cop,* I've been shot*, stabbed, and torn my ACL/MCL in my knee in a pursuit, and none of that compared to the instant pain of being tased. It hurt like a BI***.
> So if that story is true, "I FEEL YOUR PAIN."



Details?


----------



## bigwave (Nov 14, 2014)

Now thats some funny stuff right there.


----------



## DocWatson (Nov 15, 2014)

"..... Seemed reasonable to me at the time." :shock: 

Had me rollin' on the floor Big Guy !!! 8) But, if it's not yours, then whose ??? Inquiring minds seek the source of such wisdom. :wink:


----------



## Jim (Nov 16, 2014)

Not sure, but the original post is from 2007. Ahab is playing games.


----------



## lovedr79 (Nov 16, 2014)

LOL. Did you try it again? Did u tell your wife to test it ou yet on herself?


----------



## DocWatson (Nov 19, 2014)

Jim said:


> ..... Ahab is playing games.


Say it ain't so !!! [-X


----------



## BloodStone (Nov 19, 2014)

=D> :roflmao: =D> 

*The only thing missing from your story was this..... #-o and this.... ](*,) 

Tazers are like condoms, better to have one & not need it, then need one & not have it.
Anyway, I too brought a tazzer (ViperTec black & 9" long) for my wife for her B-day this year (she travels to Flint alot so the decision was a no brainer imo). 
Of course, unlike whoever the self-inflicting idiot was, my insatiable curiosity was held in check & never ever led me to use the tazer on myself 
(especially on bare skin :lol: ) in the crazy quest of "just to be sure" :lol: . 
When she opened it, my wife looked at the tazer like a kid who got a pair of socks for Christmas. See, my wife has this idiotic philosophy of "it hasn't happened yet." 
But, when you're born & raised in Detroit (where the weak are killed & eaten) like I was, that carefree philosophy can & will get you into a $hit-storm of trouble REAL quick. *


----------



## kjames (Nov 30, 2014)

I'm in tears laughing so freaking hard!!!! I will make a mental note not to ever purchase one of these. Kinda like hey it's just pepper spray, not a good idea in the cab of your buddies truck driving down the road


----------



## lovedr79 (Dec 1, 2014)

I can see all this playing out at my house no less. LOL!


----------

